told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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