Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
