I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
