I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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