Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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