You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
