she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
