I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's no shave November. This is our time.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
