Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
