her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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