Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It was like giving head to a cactus.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
