Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
