i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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