Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
