you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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