Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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