Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
