He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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