i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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