she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
