Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
NoShamevember. You game?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
