I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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