so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i think i just lost a toe
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
