i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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