Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
