Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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