i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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