3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
How's work?
Spinning.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize