how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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