they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i dont even know how to be here
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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