maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
