I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
