Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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