Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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