You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize