i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
