I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
