ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
