Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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