I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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