I can text with my tongue
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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