Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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