How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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