Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
