they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
