Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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