She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
