Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
