when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
