if i can run in heels then i can drive
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
