listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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