When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
