i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
