We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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