I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
