I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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