Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize