I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
