I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
try to milk me bitch
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