don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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