Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
