My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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