My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
