So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize