You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
