I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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