what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize