i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
