1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
