god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
