That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
