Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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