Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
