At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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