I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
