So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
