Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
