I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
