Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
