new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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