I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
